ok

dont even feel the same way the last time i felt i needed to give up
i just feel hollow
got a hug from my mum
felt nothing
tried to give my cats some love
felt nothing
thought abt looking at the stars
felt nothing
looked at pretty places around the world
felt nothing
im unfulfilled bc ill never be able 2 fix anything with ppl i made mistakes with and can never live the way i want bc i am 80% sure i fucked my exams up
damn near everything has been taken from me
friends who just decided that seeing things from my perspective was too much effort and that getting rid of me was the easiest thing to do
my "best friend" who as it turns out really doesnt see me that way
the person who i cared abt most who i harmed due to things i found very hard to get under control because i didnt know what i was dealing with
even some family
my life is fucked and whos fault is it?
mine
can go on and on about what i shouldve done but what does it change now
almost lost my "best friend" too because my ex wasnt satisfied with just letting me write around as i am now
not gonna happen anymore but then i found out she isnt rlly my best friend
at least if they all hate me or think of me as some awful human being they can burn any memory of me a hell of a lot quicker
why the hell did i even bother it solved nothing and just made ppl leave quicker
to the rando who just kinda made me feed things through to the ppl
why
oh well
i feel at peace with it now so
at least i can do what i have to and actually do it this time
thanks to anyone who talked to me but i cant stand living anymore
whatever shitty thing happens to me next i dont wanna be around to see it
i think i finally understand what i actually wanted and all i wanted was to be happy again but theres no route for that now n i rlly mean that this time i am of completely clear mind and theres nothing for me
the only thing i have left to ask is
im going for good
will this satisfy you all
bye