my boyfriend keeps asking me for my period blood and it's gross.

3:12 p.m.
i impulsively cut 10 inches of my hair the other day in order to feel pretty again. i also think part of it was because i wanted a way to visually change myself for this journey of bettering my mental health. there were other reasons why i did it, but i don't really want to get into the because it's a little embarrassing and pathetic lmao.

i've been having flashbacks lately. i started having flashbacks to the night of when i was SAed during the month of may. i think that's another reason why my mental health got so bad so fast. these new flashbacks though, they're different. i keep getting flashbacks of my happiest moments from the past couple of months. i think it's nice. they're a lot better than the ones i was having last month.

ok so i've really been struggling with my mental health within the past year. it's been a constant up and down.

tw// mania

throughout the month of may, i was having a manic episode. it resulted in me cutting off almost everyone around me because i feared that i would disappoint them/cause them their own issues. however, i ended up hurting them anyway (due to me cutting them off) so that went welllll.

anyway, i recently made up with most of the people i ran away from, but i couldn't do that with everyone. the people i did lose helped me realize that i really want to get better. i want to better myself not only for others, but for me.

it's bittersweet in a way. it sucks that i had to lose the ones i loved most to realize that i can't keep self-sabotaging, but it's good because now i'm actually going to improve.

so this is me doing that. :)

4:45 p.m.

tried making bead rings today and ended up burning my table cloth, hands, and arm so that's fun. i think i wanna start getting into making necklaces and earrings etc. i just dont really know what exactly i would wanna make.

8:47 p.m.

well i finally figured out how tf the css coding works. kindaaaa proud of myself for managing to gather the patience to do it.

on a completely different note, i had therapy today so that was nice. talked shit about my abusive ex and my dad with my therapist (because she's a badass.)

9:53 p.m.

currently avoiding doing my film homework because i'm lazy. if i do it in the morning it'll get counted as late, but im already failing so it honestly can't get much worse.