People in the past -before the 1800's -often percieved time as a constant, that being born 10 or even 100 years ago wasn't that significant
that big changes were merely simple disturbances in the status quo, that they had a sort of unchanging and immortal essense to them as
their parents and children would be much similar to each other than people born 10 years apart today could ever imagine.
This is why so many ideas of essentialism and souls and essense were so common and strongly held.
Time was a constant, and nostalgia for things could be more placed as fondness for specific memories or a longing for a specific far away
place ( remember distance was much longer back then ) than a wish to go back to an era truly and utterly lost to time.
Their culture, cities, peoples, places, were like cliffs, sure the waves may bash against them, but it will take hundereds of years until
any significant damage will show.
But our time, oh our time is like sand, and though we may try to construct the most beautiful of plans for our sandcastles, it will be
hours until the tide comes in again.

We tend to think of this change as eternal, and maybe it will be a permanent feature in one way or another.
But all of this can't go on exponentially.
All of this massive upheavel only happened because of changes in millenia old orders in the 20th century.
But this rate.
This process.
It can't go on forever.
And if it tries to, and does so exponentially.
It will kill parts of us we may never realise could die.

I can't decide if existence is innocent or suffering.
Maybe it's both.
Then is creation evil or good?

I wish we weren't stuck on this rock.
All the stone and blood and bone in the world is very cold.
And I don't see this hyperspiral of reality we're going down stopping anytime soon.

Almost you can feel things looking through the cameras on your technology.
You don't know how many cameras there are.
In east Germany they'd often wire tap and record the apartments of suspected or dissenting people.
Amazon is basically their own private country at this point.
I imagine the future wont be the complete dismantling of the state or the incorporation of corporations.
But instead a messy and repulsive fusion of both of them.
My country doesn't feel like it's going to last a long time.

Please stop moving so fast.
Please stop.

Why don't I relate to my friends anymore?
Why aren't these games fun anymore?

I can#nt feel it anymore.
Every street corner is a cold knife, the eyes of figures bare down on me.

Why can't I feel happy?
Why does it get worse every year.
Im running out of words
after long it just runs out into nothing.
Please stop feeling like nothing.

I had a dream where everyones voice had the cadence of screaming.
Like not the force but the screeching effect.
Its like every side had a sharp edge to it.

Its hard to do anything nowadays.
Without my thought feeling bleak and empty.
I'm mostly trying not to catch the sight of myself in the mirror most days.

I'm worried that after I'm finished writing my first book I'll have used all my material and energy on one book.
And its hard enough trying to keep the style consistent anyway.

Maybe I should put a new one in, I think this one doesn't exactly match the aesthetic of my page now

I was thinking of posting some of my writing on here, but I realised nobody is gonna read it anyway so it doesn't really matter

I was really good at coding when I was like 13.
I think younger me would be disappointed in me.
Well I think they'd have a lot of reasons to be dissapointed.

Hello :)