so my dog bit my leg, and as a normal reaction, i kicked him. the door was open so i kicked him on the street on accident, now my neighbors wanna sue me for "animal abuse", like no <3. the bitch abused me first, so now ill be in court, hopefully i live, unlike the dog. #RealLifeProblems

Sooooooooooooo me and my family were playing uno and my dad gave me a +2 so I got up and made him suck my dick. My mom yelled at me cause apparently my dad is allergic to cum and i came in him and he swallowed, then he said I had the 12 inches from his side then he whipped his 15 inch dick out then fucked me as my mom and 3 year old sister watched. then my mom came from watching my dad fuck me for an hour. now the entire living room is filled with cum and a dead 3 year old who drowned in it. what do we do? #wet #NeedNewClothes

So me and my sister are fucking, and she started bleeding and shitting on my dick. So I help lick her clean and she licks me clean. Then we keep going and our dad walks in and yells at me cause it was his day to fuck her and I was supposed to fuck mom. So then we all had an orgy and tomorrow me and dad fuck each other. #bonding #closeFamily #tightcircle

so i was walking in the forest. this fucking tree got in my way so i lit it on fire because im a baddie. but the while walking away another tree got in my way so i cut it down. now im going to jail for lighting the entire forest on fire and made 30 different species go extinct and killed 10 people. but they were old bags anyways. #quirky

so my step bro wanted me 2 giv him hed. so i cut off are sister's head and gave it 2 him, now hes caling the cops for merder even tho he asked for hed. what do i do? #broprobs

sooo my dog tuk a shit in my fuking kichen and thinks that he can crie wen i cut off his pah. like next time dont shit in the howse. tf #bark

i got my pur on wenzda. now my mom is sooing me cause smakked her
cause i drank wadder after the aboarshon when i couldve drank beer. shes a bitch, i hate her. this is why im 50 and dont pay rent or work and still live in the only room in this house. life is so un fare #periodpane

(translation) got period Wednesday and slapped the mother because i drank water instead of beer after the abortion and don't have to care for a kid. Now I'm being sued, and live under the mothers roof at 50 years old and don't have a job.

DISCLAIMER THIS IS A JOKE SO DO TAKE THIS LIGHTLY I AM NOT A GIRL NOR DO I WANT TO BE ONE :)

tho my puthy ith on fire and the bith dont thtop meowing. like chile, i gave shiii, respec me bich #scratching