1611468904000

1-15-21

at times i think that snoop dogg is a spirit because of him being everywhere and him having the aging of a honey jar

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1611468886000

food of the gods: 1-12-21

Food of the gods sounds like narcissistic cocaine.
Food of the gods is full of nuts, which technically is food of the gods.
Food of the gods is a narcissistic person's meal.
Food of the gods is a motivational poster that spreads fat molecules on your neck.
Food of the gods is something that people would eat to distract themselves from their water-bottling depressive lifestyle.
Food of the gods is a political leader's synonym for their nurturing soul/their spores.

realizing i did a mispell

Food for the gods is something that moa would want to eat
Food for the gods is a food that has the opportunity to be a double entendre.
Food for the gods is just Food of the gods but more elegant.
Food for the gods can be any food if your religion allows it. If not, ah well.

i cant figure out any more jokes based on the name

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1611468871000

collection of one-liners: 1-2-21

Hello! I'm back. And now it is the new year, and people, their spirits crushed by the lockdown, come out to plague my nostrils with the smell of the nihilism that the virus is still going to be real and time does not change anything. While you are right, your breath fucking stinks. Anyways, as you know I am quite a big fan of hannibal buress, and comedy in general. I decided to try my hand in creating these dry one-liners that stupefy people's eardrums. I wrote these in a lot of places, on a notebook, on a post it note, in a cafe, in my parent's shed while being blasted with sade. Here are them:

There are multiple objects in the world with the same circumference as a moby huge and that is scary

the moby huge is the size of 28 inches, size of two well healthy penises and one whose personality is in the reigns of lack of celibacy.

i want to see how many people search up "synonym of" in the span of a school year

my eye hurt yesterday, the pain you get from your eye feels more nauseous than other muscle pain, eye pain doesn't make you kneel to the ground crying for help.

i won't help you if you are even on the ground crying for help as im holding my sandwich.

sandwiches are better priorities than helping a person who's too scared to handle a jolt in their arm.

you have the ability to eat vomit nothing can stop you

you have the ability to eat everything nothing can stop you, unless you have a shitty bowel

thats all for today ∎ bonk

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1611468786000

hannibal buress: 12-23-20

me and my friends recited the full comedy special "hannibal buress comedy comisado": 12-23-20

ill show you pictures:
https://cdn.discordapp.com...56/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com...78/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com...08/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_145234.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_145355.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_145414.jpg

So that was the first day. It was 3 in the morning and everybody was tired so we stopped. (https://cdn.discordapp.com...2-24_150109.jpg)

Fortunately, we got a fan. https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_150120.jpg

WE FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLY FINISHED IT AT 9:30 IN THE EVENING. https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_152302.jpg

Codex (mr. catface alleyman) sighed in relief: https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_152312.jpg

and burnit complimented us as well: https://cdn.discordapp.com...-24_152321.jpg

Fuck that was tiring. It was fun though. The funniest thing I've done.
∎bonkibal buress

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1611468759000

my final rym rating (for like 7

my final rym rating (for like 7 months): 12-22-20

I had a joke that I had in mind when I first started rym: to be as close to 1000 ratings and then delete my account. Well, now i have 999 ratings. one more for 1000. I will never rate or do anything on rym apart from add new releases for the 6 months of the start of 2021. This reads like it's a useless accomplishment, and yes it is. However, it is important for me as I realize something: I am wasting my time. I'm a very young person, and even though I love music, it has made me distracted. There is no mental contemplation or anything, I just felt like that if I reached 1000 that means that I have spent too much time in rym, and that I should stop unless I delve into the community section. Also, being that this shit's over, I'm going to hang out with people. I'm still going to be here, you can still talk or pm me, i'm just not going to rate anything or do reviews. still going to update charts though. Anyways peace.

Also my final rating is appropriately called "!!!Fuck You!!!". ∎ floyd

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1611468706000

i swear im not schizophrenic: 12-21-20

im just tired and bored
also i remember somebody nicknamed me the "schizo king" and i did not like that fuck you to that person∎bonk

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1611468689000

DREAMS. vol 1: 12-20-20

DREAM 1:

Futaba Sakura and Wilbur Soot had a boxing match. Some key things that happened in this dream: I tried to jump to my seat on the balcony but i jumped so hard that i tripped and fell. I survived by rolling. The people from persona 5 were cheering Futaba on because Futaba was clocking Wilbur.

DREAM 2:

There was a dream where i was djing with my favorite artists: four tet, caribou, and floating points. I was djing with them, each of us controlling four decks. Out of nowhere, Four tet turns into klaus kinski and fucking hits me with something. I forgot what it was but i remember that it hurt. Four tet/Kieran hebden started fucking spitting in my face. That was the dream.

DREAM 3:
I met somebody who introduced me to a minecraft server. I then realized it was the famous 12-year-old cult-following server Dream SMP. So what i decided to do was stay up late at night making really weird cult-type cubes that obstructed the roads and the architecture n shit. Clay Dream mr. cheater stan = superfan got angry, and he tried to destroy it but I put like a flourish of traps and gizmos and really annoying things. He got angry and then one of the guys turned on the stream and then he literally screamed: "I will make my stans kill your popularity in a fucking flash, you dumb ass hole." So people clipped that, and I blew up the whole server, and I left. I found a plate of unagi in my desk, so I ate it. very very nice. ∎ bonk guru

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1611468498000

steps to cook shoe from the werner

steps to cook shoe from the werner herzog eats shoe film: 12-20-20

STEPS TO COOK A SHOE.
Put 2 ounces of bundled garlic and herbs inside of the shoe (you can also put hot sauce, personally i choose tapatio)
Tie the shoes together for the taste to simmer inside of the shoe, to let the garlic flavor the shoe material.
Boil for a long time, possibly 2-4 hours, in order to soften the leather, making it more edible.
Eat. It will probably taste like pigs skin. With the garlic, i will advise you to brush your teeth afterwards.
(extra) cook a fettuccine alfredo as a side.∎bonkitchenchef

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1611468482000

Notes on how to be funny: 12-20-20

So, I found a weird video.
This is a download link so: https://cdn.discordapp.com.../video0_15.mp4
I saw this in a meme channel, but I realized how long it was. I felt that it would seem too daunting to watch the whole video. So, what I decided to do was write down the notes in a google doc, for others to read/skim through. Also because I was bored. ∎ bonk stan 2003950

https://docs.google.com/do...HK8okQUSig/edit

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1611468467000

bonk dictionary tally chart, started

https://rateyourmusic.com/...y-tally-chart/

Here is a tally chart of things that I say quite a lot. That's it.∎ bonk librarian

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bonkoloid's Blog

1-15-21

food of the gods: 1-12-21

collection of one-liners: 1-2-21

hannibal buress: 12-23-20

my final rym rating (for like 7

i swear im not schizophrenic: 12-21-20

DREAMS. vol 1: 12-20-20

steps to cook shoe from the werner

Notes on how to be funny: 12-20-20

bonk dictionary tally chart, started