i am going to die, seriously fuck

my mom just told me she knows everything, that she has seen mytwitter

and i don't use twitter, so i think she is talking about the account i created for 2020´s pride and stopped using after two days

so it filled with pride stuff in order to boost the hashtag in my country and-

and- omg

I'm crying rn

I'm trying to be as slient as i can but this is too much

i cant with this

she knows

she knows omfg.

i cant help it anymmroe she ficking knows

i was supposed to stay in the closet util i mved out why couldn't that happen

i hate everything pls

why

gods i know I'm lucky for not being like hatecrimed of sum but

i should ave ever even talked to her today, if she knew she shouldn't have told me i don't want to see her ever again omfg

i want to disappear even though I'm already in my closed room alone pls

dcghb

I'm sorry for spamminghere but imtrying to vrent I'm so sorry

I'm just too shocked

i don't want to be here anymore

i might not ever wanted to tell her

but it would have been so much better if she had found out if my terms pls-

she doesn't even know the full thing (I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a lesbian....) but i just cannot explain it to her and i don't think i will ever be ready to

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEGVYWWWWWERFYHVUVJN CM

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iPUHUtlXtGFlJLybNPSQJ3G4fDDmXneH/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/18WsUonXTcUZyAZ2Kb4CtQBkQiRsfuSfw/view?usp=sharing
<3

https://64.media.tumblr.com/fd39b1bcf324a73fb50a97caee96c173/eac1f390f13d6b46-ba/s400x600/7acc7fa9820b4e0b4819da6476652aeb62dbd869.png

https://64.media.tumblr.com/44a18ceeccebd5780585f0aa994dd94f/eac1f390f13d6b46-b0/s400x600/573afb7392f42513aa61470a1e92e954361ae55a.png

https://64.media.tumblr.com/24577621946fac4a050a553190cff4f5/eac1f390f13d6b46-8f/s640x960/f0de9b3662d4d2ceb6ad4d2f80e6b57a172bb940.png

just wanted to show yall my pwetty layout <3 ~
i edited the of the photos, a couple of them are mine, i stayed up til 2am doing this, and i love it <3333
also the blurry thing with stars is a pride flag, it looks like that because im afraid my mom will figure out my password lmao

btw, anyone knows what this "aesthetic" is called is sorta similar to the one of my page here but idk...

and lastly, if anyone wants the unedited pics, this is my Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/ilelepre/_saved/

https://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000206317809-888g1u-t500x500.jpg

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!
and i see the youth sliping away from my fingers, leading me to the unknown because i never planned living this long
I DONT WANT TO BE AND ADULT [ CRIES ]
ANYWAY, FIESTASALSAQUINCEAÑERABAILA
https://pics.me.me/thumb_cries-in-fiesta-salsa-quincea%C3%B1era-bailar-raini-rodriguez-stickers-51418289.png

im bored, probably no one will read this, but ill like to do it and have a place to save it <3

((Basic Info))
Name: mmmm i like to say i reject the idea of names, but yall can call me ile or litterally anything else (my friends call me fer, kichi and avrle)

Hair Color: Dark brown, i would like to dye it again but it is still damaged.

Eye Color: Dark brown too.

Age: Time isnt real!!!! but 14

Birthday: February 10, 2006

((Favorites))
Color: right now, grey

Number: 7 and 9

Book: (Misunderstood) crime and punishment, dostoievski (misunderstoo because i totally missed to point of it and instead of interpreting as DONT BE A NARCISSIT SOCIOPATH, i read it as HAHA THE FUCKER TRIED TO BE COOL AND FAILED)

((Your))
Bedtime: no <3

Current Location: Guayakill ticy (Guayaquil, Ecuador)

Best Friend:I wish i had one...

Weakness: moral amiguity, greed and yearning for love

((This Or That))

Pepsi Or Coke: None, Gallito
https://tiaecuador.vteximg.com.br/arquivos/ids/160712-1000-1000/247035000.jpg?v=636815508404700000
it tastes yellow
maybe lemon?
lots of gas

Day Or Night: night, i get emotional and dreamy

Love Or Money: fuck capitalism

Summer Or Winter: in my city there are only two seasons: hot and rainy an hot

Coffee Or Tea: Tea, i dont like coffee

Hot Or Cold: Hot, in my city the average climate is 29C, anythign below 24 is freezing to me

Sunny Or Rainy: Rainy

((Have You Ever))
Danced In The Rain: Nope

Been Kissed: Do dares count? If not, no

Cheated On A Test: Aint that the purpose of online school? However, i have never done it on a irl test, i get too anxious.

Been Beaten Up: nope

Bullied Someone: YES, AND I AM SO SORRY, it was on middle school :cc

Smoked: Nope
Drank: Yes

Done Drugs: No

Had Sex: ew, no (greycupiosexual here)

Gone Camping: i live in south america, would fucking die

Stayed Up All Night: of course lmao

Skipped School: only online school, irl i have only skipped clases, but never left campus ( i have no idea gow to not get caught)

Been On A Plane: yeah

Cheated On Someone: i have never dated...

Been Cheated On: same as before...

Told A Joke And Nobody Thought It Was Funny: ALL-THE-FUCKING-TIME

Broken A Bone: not broken, but i am a competitve cheerleader and olympic gimnast, so i get injured a lot, from september til december, i have had 6 sprains. i got another one one week ago, i have a cast rn

Written A Song:a really bad one, yes, also in middle schol several undertale x steven universe crosovers

((Finish The Sentence))
I Am: tired

Life Is: absurd
My First Kiss: was a dare on 2019, on an empty classroom with a guy i used to like but became an indie fuckboi

Babies Are: cute from afar

hi! wanted to say i started a new story, it is about emotional manipulation and obssesive love!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/255959018-love-dev

it is written on my weird/ugly style, but i like it that way uwu

also ive been playin mysme
day 9
ITS SO FUN
but i almost got the bad ending because i wanted sevens route unu
ended up going to yoosungs route
maybe ill do yaehee´s next
but i also kinda love zen

EVERYONE IS SO HOT

Light yagami
Korekiyo Shinguyi
Kokichi Ouma
Hagime Hinata
Nagito Komaeda
Mihael keehl
Saiki Kusuo
Magnus Chase
Nico di Angelo
Pre-game shuichi saihara
all the warriors of hope lol
Monika DDLC
Miu iruma

------maybe ill add more later

I will like to talk about the...poem? text? from my about me section.
i might delete it later and fill the thing properly, it goes like this:

I hate action
i am pure bottled passion and rage
yearning for love or murder, not because they matter but because I yearn to feel
i hate action
i lack stimulus
nothing matters
i could do anything i want
but i hate action
not because of fear
i do not feel fear
fear prevents death
i am not afraid of it
so I say i hate action
that is the only explanation
i love being still
i love being useless
knowing i could be everything
i could do everything
i am a god
I COULD be a god
but i hate action
everything just stays on my mind
forever
almost inexistent
do not love nor hate
me
it does not matter
nothing matters
if all I am are my thoughts
am I real real
i do not act
am i something?
i am a god
a still god
i hate action
but I love people who act
who act without a care
who understand that nothing matters
because nothing does
or maybe I hate them
envy?
i just feel
something
i do not act because i do not know how
i am a villain
i can do anything
i love villains
i feel
i should not
why do i feel
i do not want to
stop
yes I am useless but only because
i hate action
i hate action
i can do anything
i just do not want to
I WILL NEVER TRY
i love people who do
or hate
I feel
i am a god
but what is a god
nothing matters
right?
but
but
but
i am a god
of,,,,
what?
i also write
i like writing

I kinda like it
I also came up with it in the spot
also I like that I used capital "I" when referring to myself when I told the truth honest to myself.
I wanted to call it " I hate action" or just "action"
but now I guess it looks better as "<<god>>" in a sarcastic way, I am still not sure
is that poetry? i do not know, i dont think poetry HAS to rhyme right? i never use rhymes, i like the,,,rawness?

I have always been ambitious and cold.
I have pretended to be the opposite for most of my life in order to mantain a social life, which i kinda had but i never was honest so i do not know how real humans connections feel like.
however now, i dont even know which of my feelings are real and which ones fake.
ive lied too much, i do not even know how i feel
however there is only one thing clear
success

i need to be the best an everything
i have always have been
since i was a kid
i guess its just the ex gifted kid burnout sindrome
i have this massive ego
i feel like i can do anything
and then there is my inexistent self steem
i hate myself
and everything i am and everything i am not

i am almighty
but also useless
so i tell myself
"sure i can do that, but i wOnt"
because i also have a niihilist/existencialist/absurdist (depends of my mood tbh) stubborn ass
"oh i could but nothing matters and i dont feel like it right now"

and i feel or too strongly or i am constantly numb
i started to feel sarcastically, mocking other girls
then i started doing it on a daily basis
now its part of me
i guess
but deep down i have nothing

i am a god
i am useless
there is only a void
i am a god, an useless one, that rules the void

and to be honest i got lost halfway there, i do not know what i am talking about (again)
if you read everything, just know that you carry a part of my (increidbly important but after all inexistent) soul

https://dl.glitter-graphics.com/pub/184/184475y66x8elc3k.gif