This is getting tiring.

Funny part is I know that no one I know has one of these. I feel like this is the only true real space I can express how I'm feeling without anyone irl finding out.... I'm feel so numb at this point. You would think that after almost 2 years of being clean from SH, I would be proud of myself. But I'm not. I feel like the world is crashing around me and I can't slow it down at all. I have no one who truly accepts me for who I am. I was told I have to choose between my schooling and my pride flag today. I'm not allowed to have both. As bad as it sounds....I wish I was 14-15 again, because atleast then I was allowed to fully accept and express who I really am. I'm exhausted, I've been fighting this retched life to stay alive for as long as I can remember. I'm not on meds anymore, I'm not getting therapy. I'm stuck here with no one I can actually talk to. And everyone I can talk to is either too busy, or too depressed on their own to hear my issues. It's really not easy being me. Funny thing to say right? Being me? I don't even know what that looks like anymore. and idk how much more of this pain I can take. My tank is empty, I have no more to give to anyone. I have no more willpower to take thus any longer. I still will, because I love my family, even though they cause me this hurt. I guess I'm just tired...