i know i have talked about how i have no friends and my friends are terrible etc etc but like
its so real and so sad
luckily i have an opportunity to meet a bunch of new people after summer but ive been waiting for summer for soooooooo long and what am i supposed to do without friends
every time they speak i listen and give advice and im always willling to sacrifice my previous plans to hang out w them if they want to and i always respond to messages as fast as i can as it is nice being heard but thevye literally told be they cant sometimes be bothered to respond and i dont even messaget that often
i know its ok not to be super... like me ig for ur friends but id want someone as my friend who is willing to do the same
im talking about 2 friends and they keep making plans without me in front of me and then theyll be like oh yeah u want to come ok come and then they do the thing without me and like yeah maybe i should ask but i dont want to seem pushy and if they wanted me there they wouldve asked

autumn will be better

i have no friends?1+?!?!

ok but has anyone seen scarface?
there's this 1 scene where tony goes to wake up elvira after the frank thingy and then the zeppelin flies past?
best scene ever (elvira is so beautiful like !?!??!?)

i also watched ahs season 1-3 (3 was TERRIBLE i dont rlly wanna watch past that) and although season 2 was (i think) objectively better (maybe) i really really really really loved season 1 like (not romantisicisngly) tates and violets relationship was exciting and the character of constance and just the gay couple and the aesthetics? sooo cool. but season2 was good aswell.

my heart is aching
AAAAAAAA
stop
gu8r9ei0+ofg4heijokpihugyfih
yknow what
i rlly want to go to the garden of eden
its not a metaphor but like
eden is such a cool name too
like yaa pullup w my gang and eat apples
neway i might be having a stroke
or draingang got me in the feelssssss
jk listen to sputnik sweetheart its amazing its why my heart aches bc it cant believe how amazing it is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7Tm2FeQCoE
im so excited aaaaaaaaa
guitar solo
i rlly wish i had naturally curly hair
then again i rlly want to be elvira hancock minus the drugs
and for a while i wanted to be the one eyed girl from futurama with purple hair
and then the girl on the cover of that song af1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56sxLl-jXc4
chu chu frey

it's coming
change
good?
bad?
i don't know
it's hard to tell
how do i know it's coming, you might ask?
i don't actually know
but something has to change

MAANNNNN I WANT CHRISTMAS SOO BADD
LIKE IKKK ITS A "capitalist" HOLIDAY BUT THE MUSIC AND THE SNOW AND THE VIBE AND WARMTH AND FAMILY
i also miss the spring
it's been a while since i've felt the gentle whiff of a daffodil

nothing feels real. i don't even know if i can feel my fingers anymore - is it me typing or is it my heart? how come you're reading this, i'm so minor in this grossly large world, with so many people, just imaging the amount of it is making my head spin. i can see them all in my room, looking at me, squeezing against me, us suffocating. but my room is the size of a poorly made walk-in closet, and fitting ten people in this room is a piece of work already. i've never known who i am, but at least i knew what i wanted to be. now, i've lost that as well. i no longer crave the things i used to, the things i ought to crave. i can't bear it. this isn't a dark-nights-pure-hearts-holding-hands-falling-hopelessly-in-love type of lost, it's a where-on-earth-am-i-and-why type of lost.

and even after all this, i can't find peace. at least there's one thing i'm certain about, now: the fact that i'll never be a writer - if i'll even be anything.

love,
love.

i feel as if
everything is coming together
and i know i'm jinxing it
right here right now
finally
something seems complete
idk what
things are far from sunny
but something in my brains clicked
why are you reading this?
please comment if you are

every year in autumn, the leaves turn yellow, some red
it doesn't take long before they're all brown, dead on the ground
it's so colourful then, right?
it's fun to hear them crunch underneath your feet
but i grow tired of it so fast
and soon they're just rotting on the ground
the trees are now left empty, lonely
so dark and depressing
snow is yet to fall and evenings are so early
with wisdom i can doubt snow falling anyway
it's so dark
and to think i would've missed this a couple years back
even though i was out the whole summer
i still have my tan
and the memories of drinking monster by the river
going on spontaneous swims with friends
i'll still miss the bright green leaves the trees had
i never thought about it till now
and i wont think about till spring
when, through something like sorcery
all the leaves and flowers will start blooming again
and i'll claim to not remember the time they last bloomed
but for now, all i can feel is sorrow
and indulge in the yellowing leaves
one last time

I got my CSS from Stocking 's page
I used that as a base and edited the colours, backgrounds, text, etc.

Link to her CSS: https://pastebin.com/CETGVv6E