ily all ty for helping me reach this important milestone

part 2 if u rlly wanna hear me complain abt homophobia more

so whats my wish? what is the end goal here? its hard to call it a goal; i really dont think it will ever happen, at least not in my lifetime.
i just want that feeling to go away. the fear of going to my next class, because what are they going to say to me now? what "harmless debate" will they have today? its tiring, so fucking tiring. see, im not the type to raise my hand to answer 1+1, let alone to tell someone that this shit makes me feel so awful about life.

anyways, the dream here is for that feeling to go away. obviously, its unrealistic to expect everyone to be accepting, but i at least wish the school would do something about the VIOLENT threats? they really love to brand themselves as inclusive and progressive, but life isnt so great for every lgbt+ kid there. i see these pride assemblies and i just know they were organised by straight teachers. see this is where i think they fuck up. they push the lgbt+ inclusivity thing SO BADLY that i just feel so much more isolated than before. it comes across as "they're so different but we should accept them" rather than "they're just like everyone else so we should accept them". it just makes me feel like the laughing stock of the school? its more of a "they" than "you" thing, if you understand what im saying. the school has lgbt+ workshops and i KNEW it was going to be bad when i walked in and they were watching tyler oakley videos. like-

to conclude, im really dreading school. like REALLY dreading school. ive got a superiority complex now which im 100% sure will be gone by september due to this very reason. i try not to compare myself but FUCK dude

thanks 4 reading if u did. i just need to get this bs off my chest before september.

tl;dr: homophobic students, "accepting" school, dear classmates pls stop calling me and my friends the f slur

ive been feeling so bored as of late
today i got my hair cut for the second time in 2 weeks. my bangs turned out horrible the first time so i got them redone today. im so much happier with the result THANK GOD

i havent felt stressed or nervous in so long, but realising that i have little over a month until school is scaring the shit out of me. i realised yesterday that going back means going back to all the homophobic assholes. is it really too much to ask to not be called the f slur for no reason? ive tried being outspoken against this shit a few years ago, but people hate me even more. my school loves to preach how inclusive they are but they really dont give a fuck when shit like this happens. all of it is just affirmation bias, there's nobody to tell these overly-religious bigots that they might be wrong. in addition to this, the ONE teacher that was an actually decent ally is leaving. fuck!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!

im realising that no matter how hard i try to be likeable, personality or appearance-wise, to most people here ill always just be that twisted, sinful girl who likes girls, and doesnt take the shit she gets for it. nothing else matters because thats my entire value as a human being to them. and the best part? i was fucking OUTED

i think im only realising now how much this affects me. i come across as "chill" and like i dont care about it, but i think i have a lot of issues because of it. i still find it uncomfortable to talk about my identity to even my parents, who accept me fully. shit, they still think im a lesbian (i told them that because i also thought i was up until recently). in fact, barely anyone knows that im bisexual. i guess this could be an advantage; if a homophobe tries to ask me if the "lesbian rumours" are true, i can say no and that would be the truth.

its even harder when youre single asf and going through all of this. the most romance ive ever gotten was one date i went on two years ago with a girl i barely liked (awkward as hell, never again) and a month-long relationship i had with a girl i met on twitter. really wish i had a gf, just to feel like going through all of this pain and bigotry would be worth it in the end, since id have someone to love. im apprehensive to even attempt anything with boys, because most of the ones i know would rather see me dead than with a girl. its just too risky.

the internet has made me too comfortable with myself. i kind of just forgot homophobia exists?? i think thats why this realisation is hitting me so hard. having a supportive (immediate) family is great and all, but it really sucks going into the real world and remembering a lot of people dont believe i deserve basic human rights.

ill probably continue this in a part 2, if ur interested~

what the fck does interzone mean,,

if you work at the fcking pentagon, let a bitch know!

i keep accidentally unadding people this is so

if i do it to u im sorry omg

really wish i knew cool people from london
all the cool people seem to just be online... smh. my school is normie central as expected

is it just me being a dumb blonde again? i didn't even know you could fcking blog. or am i just that young? ive never used the og myspace </3

anyways, i think its safe to say my css is SNATCHED asf.
im looking 4 friends, preferably in the uk but anywhere is fine. feel free to msg me ab anything!

OH YEAH, my username is a reference to queen emma bunton, if it wasnt clear enough. she's the best spice girl and i was given the nickname 'emma bunton' when i was younger.
it's 1:10am right now, so gn! ♥