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I feel so empty and angry and sad. i hate so many things about myself. How i look and how much i overthink are the bulk of it. I'm not suicidal, but I'm severely depressed. I don't know why i'm not suicidal, because i think that at this point it would only be natural. Although I'm very grateful that I'm not suicidal. I was out with my friends today and i kept overthinking every little look and every word and every little action. I feel embarrassed by whatever i do. I want to live underneath a rock and disappear whenever I'm in a social situation. I want to explode and implode all at once. I've been feeling such an overwhelming amount of anxiety and that translates into severe depression. I just want to feel normal. That doesn't mean not sad. It means not ambitiously anxious and depressed. I know what it feels like and i know i could be there. I think that i will be there eventually. But it feels so far away and i want to feel normal now. I feel like I'm stuck in the bottom of a really really deep and dark hole in the ground and i can't get out.
try and think of every time a friend has done something weird or embarrassing. you probably cant think of more than 3 or so without really having to try. that's the thing. everyone is so worried about what they do that they don't remember anything else that others do. I don't remember where I heard it but someone said "Anxiety stems from you trying to predict the future". about the looks, even if only 1% of the population find you attractive that's still 70,000,000 people. just remember that