gay rant

hey everybody!! it's been a while hasn't it? hahah anywayyy GUESS WHAT!!
last week was lesbian visibility day/week and guess what I did.... I FINALLY CAME OUT PUBLICLY!!! I'm pretty proud of myself honestly. if I had known today but a year ago that I would be out by now??? i wouldn't have believed it. parcially bc I wasn't even out to myself at the moment. that's quite odd isn't it? I'm supposed to know who I am and what I want at this point but apparently I didn't HAHAHA i confirmed that I'm a lesbian, after watching the movie "but I'm a cheerleader" (and that's why it's so important to me). not only bc I developed the BIGGEST crush on clear duvall (clea duvall, if you are seeing this - and I know u are - marry me.), but because I saw megan and I saw myself. i felt so seen and identified with that film, that I finally came to terms with the fact that I, indeed, had gotten tHe gAy. i didn't tell anybody really (besides from my best friend that I had come out as bi to a year before), but I think the first time I actually admitted it was in a tweet. ah, how special (https://twitter.com/shutupfern/status/1338245313690279938?s=20 here's the tweet if u wanna see it btw)
after that, I felt better, but still I had something inside me telling me I was faking it. and telling me it was gross for me to feel like that. i don't know why, I've never been homophobic and I've never even been taught directly by my parents that gay people are gross? furthermore, my UNCLE is gay. and we have always had the best relationship for as long as I can remember. i guess society's expectations were just a little bit stronger. and I stayed in the closet for months; didn't even tell my then therapist.
but!!! i came out as non straight in December (I think?? dates are always so blurry to me, especially from that time) to my parents, some months later to my big and little brother, and then to the world. i couldn't be happier. honestly, if you're thinking of coming out (and u arent in a dangerous environment, of course) do it!! it feels so good to finally be able to live your life to its truest form. if you cant/dont want to: don't. don't rush yourself to do something you don't want to or may hurt u (and that goes for anything really, not just gay shit).

ahhhh anyway! I'm quite happy; aaaalthough, I've never been more stressed about school HAHAHA see I wasn't so mentally stable after all!!
ah, I just think college and sat's (they're called another thing in my country but, eh) seem like such a high mountain to climb and its terrifying. but I hope one day ill look back and be happy that I never gave up.

woah. i got all CHEESY THERE EWWWWWWW anyway how have u been doing!! in terms of covid, my country is uh.. worse than it was last year. which is sad and scary. i hope it all goes away soon, too many ppl are dying.

i hope you're doing alright and that ur staying hydrated bc

WATER
IS
E V E R Y T H I N G

but yeah! stay safe out there, drink some water, do ur homework but most importantly, take care of yourself. peace outttt xx