thots >.<

hi baes, i was in the psych ward for a bit that's why i've been gone. i mean it's not like anyone really pays attention to my blog anyway... but i'm back now! i just wanna write what goes through my head sometimes cause i feel so misunderstood all the time. i feel like people don't understand that i'm ill, mentally. just because you can't see the illness doen't mean it isn't there. so many people don't understand that, and claim they are there for you.. then as soon as you show symptoms they leave. i'm tired. i wish people would just understand. everyone i've ever loved has left me. my own self has left me. i don't know who i am anymore. i can't express how i feel because then i'm "unstable", "crazy", or, "a train wreck". i don't want people to know what goes on in my mind. the delusions i have, the thoughts that go through my head, i fear them and i fear i'll loose my ability to restrain myself.. that i might act out on these terrifying thoughts. i'm scared of myself.