I fucked up
For background, I ran a music meme page. Sure, yeah, that’s stupid. But I met really good friends there. But here’s the thing, I lied about my age. I’m 12 right now. But this was a while ago, so throughout this story I’m 9 to 11
I was added to a groupchat for weezer fans (stupid, I know.) and I got along with everyone very well. They were all sweet to me, and despite me lying about my age (I told them I was ‘young but mature for my age’ and they never questioned it) they treated me like the baby of the group
After a while the group went from discussing new weezer content and shit, we started discussing personal topics, such as home life and relationships. Although NSFW shit like kinks and fetishes. My idea of a healthy bdsm relationship was formed off of porn and fanfiction. I started openly talking about my love for DDLG and pet play and other things children shouldn’t be open about.
I recently Logged back onto that account after abandoning it without saying goodbye. I looked through our old messages (as when I left, the chat was abandoned as well, nobody spoke anymore.)
Most of the old messages hurt. A lot. They weren’t mean, they were nice. I had no friends at school, so I’d sneak my phone out at recess and lunchtime to talk to them to keep me company. They were all sweet, they gave me cute nicknames and made me feel loved. But they all thought I was older, and I knew that they were older.
I lied to them
There was me and another person, I’ll call them K. K and i were basically eachothers therapist. We vented to eachother about things, and just talked and had fun. Our friendship was platonic, but sometimes we flirted. Nothing happened. I wasn’t groomed, K wasn’t a pedophile. I was just a liar.
I miss them. I wish I could go back in time and never met them, because I wouldn’t feel so guilty. When I logged back on I told them the truth, they took it well enough. They probably felt so embarrassed for talking to a CHILD, a LYING CHILD.
I’m so angry at myself. So fucking angry
I’m such an idiot
- INH