get some popcorn this is long

TW: suicide homophobia death threats

so lets start with an old friend we will call her jaz. jaz and i were best friends last year untillllll she tried to hit my brother in the head with a gigantic rock you might be able to see why i got angry at her i started yelling at her because she was obviously in the wrong i mean who does that?. so yeah we started arguing and while we were arguing she swung on me, my little brother, my friend, and my friends little sister so of course we got mad and i kicked she fell and my friend was beating her up while i was trying to pull them apart because she was crying and it was enough long story short we had to get a contract that we wouldnt acknowledge each other's existence at school and my friend had to go to court and almost got sued all was good then after school was cut short i got sent death threats yayy they wouldnt stop they said that theyd kill me and my whole family if i didnt have a 1 on 1 fight withhhhh you guessed it JAZ obviously i ignored it the a time came where jaz had attempted suicide guess who was blamed ... me. apparently everyone was told i had been sending her death threats i mean everyone at school hated me already just imagine how much more death threats i had gotten i did the worse thing i could i had attempted at suicide as you can see it didnt work so yeah hospital therapy yadayada few months pass i meet someone lets call him aidan i liked aidan kinda on the verge of love i was talking to him for most of the summer we never made it offical so i didnt think much of it once we started drifting apart i was like ok freedom he posted his friends on his story i decided to be petty and text one of his friends yknow just to be petty all i said was hi and aidan was pissed i mean he had no reason to be all i said was hi he was pissed called me a b!tch told me to go suck someones d!ck said i was a s!ut told me to go d!e and told me i was an attention seeker because i told him about my attempt even though i only told my close friends which was like 5 people at the time including him he told me told me to kms ignored him and he apologized i was asleep though because i didnt care i blocked him i wanted to kms but yeah end of story then i started dating my best friend no biggie we broke up all good were still friends a girl from my school well call her janiah well i accidentally screen recorded her story and almost evryone elses story on my snapchat but she was pissed i told her it was an accident she told me to show the screen recording i couldnt it was a screen recording of mystic messenger so i didnt want to i told her to ask this other girl from school if i screen recorded her story she refused because she likes girl and she blatantly said "im not gonna ask that gay bitch shes disgusting for liking girls" i got mad was told to kms again end of story all was good till my best friend we will call her Betsy her friend was trying to off herself i tried to talk her through it didnt work rip so some stuff that i will not discuss happened and i ended up in a mental hospital again all was good after until recently (im an 8th grader) some 7th and 8th graders decided it would be a good idea to make fun of my appearance and how i was always quiet and didnt speak i didnt speak because i have socal anxiety its hard for me to speak to people so im quiet my hair is poofy at school so it looks nappy but its not its poofy because i brush it and i honestly dont care about my appearance at school since i dont like anyone there but yeah they decided to make fun of me i took a bit of offence the worst part is i told my mom and she agreed with them the next day my mom asked me if im going to do anything with my hair i told her why should i and she said because i look like a mess so of course i was mad at her for like a day and got over it cause i dont care anymore and honestly i think its funny when people judge me and now im in the process of trying to get a maid dress for picture day and to wear to school (we have uniforms) but yeah i stopped caring about what people think of