shits tough

this is for everyone who hurt me, youll never see this & in some ways that comforting but it also really jus sucks. im so tired of being alone. everyone comes to me when they needs things expecting me to be the strong one. they all think that im off so well or that ill be okay be i always say i will be but i wont. i cant smile anymore or fake it, i lose sleep even when im actually doing it, & my words are a mess but so am i.
i fear that im not a good person anymore. i used to think my heart was so full of love for everyone that it was overflowing & that i had enough to give everyone, but i dont. i have jus enough for everyone but myself.
my life isnt bad but its hard, going through everything i did as a kid fucked me up in the wrong places & i still cant seem to look for the better.
but how does all of this connect ?
i wna live with my mom, i wna have live not lust, i wna be able yo be sober for a full day & actually enjoy it, i want a genuine hug not because im sad but because its something they want to give me. i jus wna be wanted.
i want to be wanted to be needed but ill never be something remotely important to anyone. everyone in my life has gone without me before & they were completely fine.