I have anxiety..listen while I rant

mk hi, I have no idea what to talk about and I'm 90% sure no one is going to read this. So lets talk mental illness. (yea I knew what I was going to talk about the whole time) now this is very forward oppose to my last blog but whatever. Asss I was saying. I have known mental illness....kind of I'm not officially diagnosed... but I'm terrified of those therapy people. I already know I'm going to open up to them and pour my heart put and then I'm never going to see them again... or their never going to even want to see me again and I'm just gonna feel like a mega loser. So in conclusion, we don't talk to big therapy people, but hat I was going to say is I have anxiety and depression. Any way I had my first anxiety attack at the age of 11. It was around when I just turned 11, and I'm about to be 13. It was very confusing and scary and I barely knew where I was. I didn't even tell my mom till about three weeks later because I was scared she would just tell me I'm being over dramatic ( my mom is currently helping me a ton with my anxiety and is very understanding) Any how I told my aunt and she told me that it was probably an anxiety attack and since that day i have had many many more encounters with my dear old friend anxiety. As for depression for me that comes in frequent waves. sometimes well often times worse then others. There are times where I cant even get out of bed and I wont even shower for a week. other times its that I'm simply tired and lack motivation. Its very hard when these two mix. One situation was: my current best friend and ex boyfriend (who I looked at as my best friend before a boy friend) had broken up with me and I was scared I had lost him forever, I ended up having an anxiety attack in the school bathroom and falling into a really bad depressive episode. not to long after someone who I looked at like a mother walked out leaving me to feel unwanted and abandoned. I had an anxiety attack on my bathroom floor and broke my two months self harm free streak, I texted her two whole essays begging her to come back for me and then never spoke to her again. its truly great. but yea I don't really think anyone is going to read this whole thig but if you do ten I love you and hope both sides of your pillow are always cold. <3