shrek

this is the entire Shrek script
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SHREK
Once upon a time there was a lovely
princess. But she had an enchantment
upon her of a fearful sort which could
only be broken by love's first kiss.
She was locked away in a castle guarded
by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to
free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed. She waited in the
dragon's keep in the highest room of
the tallest tower for her true love
and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
Like that's ever gonna happen. What
a load of - (toilet flush)

           Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his 
           day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go 
           after the ogre.

           NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

                                 MAN1
                     Think it's in there?

                                 MAN2
                     All right. Let's get it!

                                 MAN1
                     Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that 
                     thing can do to you?

                                 MAN3
                     Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's 
                     bread.

           Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

                                 SHREK
                     Yes, well, actually, that would be a 
                     giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. 
                     They'll make a suit from your freshly 
                     peeled skin.

                                 MEN
                     No!

                                 SHREK
                     They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the 
                     jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's 
                     quite good on toast.

                                 MAN1
                     Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! 
                     (waves the torch at Shrek.)

           Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The 
           men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long 
           and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the 
           men are in the dark.

                                 SHREK
                     This is the part where you run away. 
                     (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) 
                     And stay out! (looks down and picks 
                     up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. 
                     Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and 
                     throws the paper over his shoulder.)

           THE NEXT DAY

           There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard 
           sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures 
           to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line 
           are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto 
           who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three 
           little pigs.

                                 GUARD
                     All right. This one's full. Take it 
                     away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!

                                 HEAD GUARD
                     Next!

                                 GUARD
                     (taking the witch's broom) Give me that!