𓄃 Diary ish? Idk 𓄃
3/28/2021 - 4/3/2021
This week was over all pretty nice. My emotions feel kinda jumbled but for the most part I'm doing pretty well. Not much happened this week at least as far as I can remember. School was a bit stressful because I'm bad at managing my time. I really like my haircut, this is probably the closest I'll get to "fluffy gamer boy hair" for a while since my mom didn't like any of my other hair references. Life is pretty mundane and I'm okay with that.
Here's some photos I enjoy:
https://64.media.tumblr.com/c7fac90f43da843ee0d4e8efe6c666b3/414cf21e0e760b35-fa/s500x750/38d23e947010bc6073076da13aa1fbfa02c57c59.jpg https://64.media.tumblr.com/44c5b45d7ca8afa036e5449149548b1d/tumblr_p8w255M6171u7tve5o1_500.jpg
4/6/2021
10:33 PM
I feel shitty. Today was rough but it kinda feels like I say that about every day. The gender dysphoria hit me so hard today and I thought I was going to throw up. I'm tired but I can't seem to fall asleep. Im to anxious and worried something bad is going to happen as soon as I close my eyes. Earlier today I was struggling a lot and nothing felt real. My friend tried to help by telling me to do "reality checks" where in I make sure my hand has 5 fingers. It's been getting more frequent and there's definitely something wrong with me but as I'm still able to function properly, I dont think its worth bringing up to my parents. I feel so alone and I feel like I give so much more then I get. I've been trying to help my friends and let them vent to me which would be fine but that's all it is anymore. There's no friendship or happiness it's just me trying to convince them of things that I know they'll never believe.
Current music I'm listening to: The Sewer//slvt album
Here's some photos:
https://64.media.tumblr.com/63f8c59ade2a0a28d78b4c7fbafa82c3/tumblr_pkkd99odH71sywf0oo1_500.png
https://64.media.tumblr.com/3b76df0ce9b90ea53ae630116f7189d1/8b87bf2c7a0f2bc4-05/s500x750/204bae2269412c2d2d8fa6768aab981e0e210dc4.jpg
4/7/2021 - 4/10/2021
12:48am
I think I'm doing pretty well!! Things still feel distant sometimes and I still think there's something wrong with me but I have more friends now and they all make me happy. Things are pretty., idk bumpy I guess? Lots of ups and downs. 4/6/2021 was pretty low but I've just gotten better since then so I guess it's okay. School is still pretty stressful. I find myself longing to go back to about 2015 ish. I wanna hit all the phases that I never really got to experience due to circumstances. I was on tiktok the other day and saw a video that said "POV: your 11 and creating an edgy backstory for your wolf OC" and I remember having known lots of people who did that but I never did. I find myself wishing I had even though most people would look back on that and cll it cringe. I find myself wanting to go back to just laying on my floor watching DanTDM videos with my brother. Things weren't great back then but they were nice and I want to go back and have all of the experiences that I missed. And ultimately, even if I can't truly turn back time, who's to stop me from going through those phases now? Idk I'm pretty bored rn, maybe I'll go make my first wolf OC.
Here's some photos I enjoy:
https://64.media.tumblr.com/a58a09cabd00f04decd45f44cd40c2e2/tumblr_plcxk1qdeh1rykw0b_500.jpg
https://64.media.tumblr.com/6ce49fbfc03d191663b472fb2c16dc3f/14706906c7fc05bb-53/s500x750/4ecfc282194141bf77257acd3fcc1987752f1e51.jpg
4/11/2021 - 4/18/2021
Not much really happened. Most of these days were either okay or went from good to bad. I do think things were pretty good for the most part though. My grades are kinda slipping which is really scary. Also I meant my new counselor therapist person for the first time. He seems cool. He told me to stop worrying about how other people are gonna see me and said that if I figure things out for myself first and then start presenting myself how i want other people to see me, then that's how they'll see me. He also told me to write a paragraph introducing me to myself.