Bing Search Engine™ weekly forcast #1

Bing Search Engine™ weekly events are completely factual.

Bing Fact: The scent "Melted glass" was most popular for candles in 1988.

Beginning the weekly Bing Search Engine™ news are the reports that water pipes marked as B7 have burst in 18 different Bing Search Engine™ buildings.

Sadly, Wednesday has been cancelled due to scheduling issues. Officials say tomorrow can still be referred to as Wednesday, but it is officially "2sday".

Planetary forecasts go as followed:
Mercury: Ultraviolet radiation.
Venus: Acid.
Earth: Occasional showers.
Mars: Dust.
Jupiter: Everything.
Saturn: Wedding rings.
Uranus: Sulfur gas.
Neptune: Water.

In other news, a shipment of damned souls were accidentally sent to Heaven. The UN pressures God to take them in as refugees while the ongoing civil war rages in Hell.

Insider reports describe the situation beforehand as a "Powder keg", stating that the proverbial spark that caused the problem to be was a broken frozen yogurt machine that gave one man the dimension record for most assault charges for one court case. Bing Search Engine™ will have an interview by 2sday.

And finally, a petition from both parties in their one unifying act in the Hell civil war asks God to either, quote, "Smite us down and give us peace or get Satan off his ass to get things done".