my nuts hurt

yeah thats right. you read that right. anyone know how to fix these damn nuts of mine. not that i have nuts but yeah i have nuts and they hurt REAL BAD. like dayum i just wanna jerk jerk jerk and jerk but my nuts have shriveled up into raisins and my cock has turned into a flimsy sock. my nuts hurt, my nuts hurt, my nuts really fucking hurt. even suckin em wouldnt work, trust me, ive tried it out!!!!!! i think i need new nuts beacuse FUUUUUCK THEY HRUT. i could go for a good old butt fucking slap jerkin nut bustin moment but MY NUTS HURT GODDAMIT FUUCK HELP HELP HELP ME HEEEEELP