first

uh hi so i'm here now hello

i guess i should say right off the bat that i'm kind of a lone wolf (no pun intended) when it comes to socializing and meeting new people- but it wasn't always like this until pretty recently.

...see, i used to hang around the western rhythm game community since the day i took my first step into the World Wide Web- and that was seven years ago! over time though, as i got older, i had to come to the realization that maybe... i was clinging onto a public circle that i shouldn't be staying a part of. i won't go into details but basically, i suffered two back-to-back losses in the real world, but instead of offering sympathy and support, a majority of the people still active... like, made a joke about it? i'm not sure if that's the right word but i was told everything nasty you could think of, like "are you sure you're an adult? because you're saying stuff that's super r/tarded" and "people like you are why we can't have nice things. none of us really care so go back and cry to your parents about it".

i wouldn't say it was shocking to hear since, i mean, a bunch of people in there still take pride in being transphobic and sympathizing with sexual predators that are high-profile Gamers™, but seeing all of that in person... directed at me... left me feeling betrayed, abandoned, and numb. i remember feeling absolutely nothing for a good month or so.

but back to present-day, i've since moved communities to people that don't turn my special interests and neurodiversity into a daily spectacle. honestly it felt super weird to be in a place where nobody else played the games i play, but in the end i couldn't have been any more glad that i took the chance and met the amazing friends that i have now. because like, do i still have my bad days sometimes, yeah. but at least now i don't have to keep stuffing it down for the sake of other people still liking me anymore. and i never thought i would say that, to be real...

so long story short, it's been a rough couple of months but the end result has been better than anything i could've ever imagined. i finally can rest easy and be just... well... me! <3

anyways now that i'm done being sappy and silly i guess i'll make it a thing where if i'm writing about my interests or a project i'm investing a lot of time into, then the post will be written in proper grammar; Something like this, where it looks like I'm super smart and eloquent. otherwise all of my other posts are gonna be sporadic and lighthearted probably, and those will be in all lowercase like everything y'all just read.

i have no idea if people will even interact with me on this site but regardless, i'm super excited to have a place where i just write about anything and everything and i hope whoever reads my blog (a.k.a, YOU!) has a great time seeing what i'm up to!!