RANTING abt my life

I have thought about this a lot and honestly, i cant fall in love with anyone anymore.

SO, all of this began when a "straight" boy that i crushed on HARD for 2 years, wanted to get fucked by me. I told him id do it, but everytime after i calmed down i told him i dont wanna do it w him, he got mad for no rsn. and since he doesnt rlly like-like me, it would make me go mental.

He even mf sent me unsolicited pics that I DID not ask for. Still i cant bring myself to hate him. Now the funny thing is, this happened 5 years ago and since then i havent been able to fall in love anymore. Its not only his fault tho, in my new school some beeches took it after me, they r complete snakes and dont rlly like me but pretend to do so.

One of them, i thought was my bestie, but she also ended up to straight up block me bc i got mad when she said im not supposed to be with my friendgroup. OH and ofc not one of them defended me. But when she blocked me, threw me out of the mf Friendgroup Groupchat, she felt peace at last. Now i got added back to the group and she has no longer any rights on it, but then all of them also left the gc and probably made a new one without me.

UGH and today that total meanie pretended everything was fine at school, winking at me and talking to me like im not still blocked.