$300

i had this friend who got accused of some pretty fucked up stuff. an entire private facebook group dedicated to his ass in typical call out culture fashion. their ire eventually turned elsewhere, but thats not what this is about. we were musicians, so what were we to do? we assembled a cracking band within the week. immediately we had an offer to play a VFW hall. we named the band Three Hundred Dollars (this was the bare minimum we played for. five guys in the act means five noses to feed.) we wrote a couple of originals in the style of 13 floor elevators but heavy with some kraut and southern heat. perhaps our best was a ditty called "snake in the grass" inspired both by recent events prior mentioned as well as houston rapper willie d in his seminal classic homie don't play that. our drummer mentioned he always wanted to cover smoke on the water. i changed the lyrics to that of inagaddadavida. i also added an old school "rap" about people needing friction to make a spark of the loins and from this the fire of all life will be reborn. the busch & lite flowed. for our big finale we covered one of my favorite songs to this day, my cocks on fire (long version) by WHiTEHOUSE. the fateful day arrived and a competing show advertised itself as such. "don't go to that show. come to this one." we didn't care. we could taste the three bills we had been promised. attendance was so poor we only made $150. i spent my $30 on beer that night alone. my friend moved across the country not too long after. we never got to perform another gig as that act.

edit: recently got my hands on the mp3s of our rehearsals & i forgot we also covered the theme to "welcome back kotter" as well as "M.A.S.H." & "taxi."